I'm writing a blog. Something in me thinks this is a little lame. BUT--maybe there is someone out there who will be wandering along, not feeling like they're getting things right, and they'll come across this and say, "Hey! I guess I'm not alone after all!" They won't actually stick around long, but they'll walk away feeling a little less blue, a little more at peace, and perhaps have something in their heads they didn't have before that helps them get a little closer to getting it right.
So who am I? Boy is that a loaded question. I'm a mom. 4 kids, 2 boys 2 girls. Sweetest sweets on the planet to me. I'm a Mormon. Whoa, did you see all those people click away?!? Too bad, they're missing out on a lot of stuff that could help them get things right. I'm married to my sweetheart. He's not perfect either, but he's far closer than I am. Let's call me Wooja. We can call DH Hud for fun. I have a Squash, Prancer, Flips, and Baby. There, I avoided names very well I think.
What got me to this point, wanting to blog? I saw a news story one night about a woman who was blogging about being a mom and a woman. She was very proud of her articles, they were all about being "in your face" and "on the edge". I felt bad for her. She knew she wasn't getting things right so she was pushing the guilt back. I thought to myself, if I did a blog I would talk about how great it is to be a mom today. How wonderful it is to stay at home and care for these up and coming adults. I would talk about how wonderful it is to be married, forever, to the same man. I would probably talk a lot about how important God is in this world, whether people want to admit it or not. I would talk about Heavenly Father probably every day, how he has encouraged me and boosted me up. I would talk about Christ. Christ has been the rock and the loadstone of my life. I would talk about how His incredible example has taken me from the brink of failure, from the brink of death. He has carried me through some interesting times, and I rely on Him to help me finally get it right.
When I was 12 I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. I've been sort of dealing with this my whole life. Just this week I put two and two together and realized this illness has been the root of all the years of weight struggle I've gone through. Now don't wander away bored. It's been an exciting struggle! I went on a mission when I was 21, across to the other side of the world. I was there not so very long when the stress and the worry and some underground issues gathered around me. I began remembering a time when I was small and had been taken advantage of. I talked with my parents, who affirmed what I was remembering. They had done their best at the time, and thought it was all over and done with. I coped as I could. I wanted to do what was right and tried to loose myself in the work. I was trying so hard to be the perfect missionary. I wanted to be successful for the Lord's sake. Instead there were things I guess I really had to deal with. I found myself back home and in a women's clinic in no time at all, dealing with an eating disorder!!! I fought bulimia and anorexia for the next 1o years. I just couldn't get it right for so long! I was fighting my body, I was fighting intimacy issues, I was fighting my failure in the one thing I had always wanted to accomplish. It took a long time to realize I was still a daugther of God. Over time I began to see there was beauty in me I was missing. I began to realize that loosing the mission didn't me I had failed my life. I started to like me a little more and a little more. One day I went running with a friend, and running started to become part of me.
So what do we have so far? Mom, married, mormon, hypothyroidism, abuse, anorexia, bulemia, shortened mission, running, overcoming.
Now it's been such a long time later. Almost 10 years since getting over the fights with food. The body image is still an issue some days, but I'm spending less time crying over it and more time trying to get every day a little bit more right. Last summer I went to a personal trainer in hopes of getting the body right. :) He did a great job teaching me how to eat healthy and exercise to be strong. I spent a lot of time running for fun with a great running partner. I was studying the scriptures and had started to find a particular love in books about gospel principles. I could see myself getting it right!!! And then the Lord showed me that I could learn Oh, Soooo much more if I had a little "personal tutoring session", as Neal A Maxwell puts it. So Hud's father passed away. That was tough. A subject for another day. And then HE added a headache. I figured it was because summer was almost over and I needed the kids to go back to school. But can one headache really last 3 months? So I went to my doctor. He sent me for an MRA. And then I started another "personal tutoring session". I had an aneurysm in my brain. I'm not even kidding you! This also is a subject for another day.
Today I still sort of run. I still sort of lift weights and I try to eat right. The metabolism is trying to stay on vacation. :) But I went to the doctor and he showed me that all the weight issues were part of the hypothyroidism. So I can get a little closer to getting some things right, right now. It's really not my fault, some of this body shape and size! I can do all the running, lift all the weights I want, but if the body needs medicine, it just won't. So I turn that over to the Lord, and have faith in Him that He will make things the way that will be right for me. That is a load off!
Is this a crazy blog or what? It's a mess. I don't know how to blog, can you tell? But that how I'm starting this thing. You need to have a base idea of who's talking to you if you're going to get anything I say going forward right? So the final lowdown? Hypothyroidism, abuse, mission, (BYU should be in here somewhere), running, overcoming, sweet hubby, four angels, deaths in the family, aneurysm and recovery. I think we're up to date now. I'm a real interesting person ya think? Maybe in the summaries at least! :) More on another day.
Wooja
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