Scaling the Cliffs of Perfectionism

I am beginning to hate the scale. It is a roller coaster ride. One day it looks like the synthroid is kicking in and I'm finally going to be thinning down again, and the next it's right back up there. Bummer. The dumbest part? Well, we're not talking 10 or 20 pounds to make me stressed. We're talking 2. Or 3. I know. Dumb. Dumb dumb dumb. When I sit back and think it through logically, I'm letting 2 pounds determine my emotional state for the day! That's just nuts. I am far too old to still be crying over putting on a pound. I wish. It would be nice not to tie my emotional well being to the size of my hips! :) Oh, and it gets better. I was reading a website devoted to hypothyroidism and they were saying that people with this disease have to work out an hour to an hour and a half A DAY just to MAINTAIN their weight. This was new and depressing to me. I don't have an hour a day to go out for a run or spin on the bike. I have four kids! Besides, that would be to keep where I am now! What? Do I have to do 2 to slim down? See, depressing. The best part is, tomorrow I will be on that ridiculous scale and it will be down 2 or 3 pounds and I will feel like I'm on top of the world. Dumb.

I think really it's because it's raining outside. And it's taper week, so I'm not on the road or on the bike, and I'm adding a little more carbs to the diet. Not crazy more, just a little here and there to store for the race. If I were incredibly smart, maybe I wouldn't taper or carb up and then I could come home from the race 5 pounds thinner! Course, I'd also probably come in 10 minutes slower and slogging through a major "bonk". Ah, the struggle between weight and time! Hahahahaha.

Okay, so this is a more shallow entry. Well, sort of. What it really boils down to is that here I am on the not so far side of 40 and I haven't learned yet that it's not the body that matters, it's the mind and the heart. The time and effort I daily put in to worrying about the physical me could so much more effectively be poured into the vessel of faith and good works to the Lord. I could be developing the spirit, making it stronger and more beautiful, but I am stuck in this "natural" state, constantly being diverted to shrinking size and weight, at the expense of the spirit. It's another one of those "getting it right" things. Paul had a "thorn" that he never was able to overcome. I wonder sometimes if this is mine. Not to say that it would be my ONLY shortcoming....please, I know myself better than that. But I think this is a life long struggle for me. Something that keeps me constantly humble, and could make me stronger in the struggle to overcome. One day, if I am faithful enough, I will come to see that I am beautiful. Beautiful because I have stopped worrying about me, and have turned my eyes to my brother. I will come to see that I am strong, because I have learned to lift up my arms and lift others, lift my arms and praise God and His Son. If I spend a little more time every day learning to overcome, one day I will be the me I am always dreaming to be, I will be made perfect in Christ. Then hopefully I can hear those most sought after words, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant."